recommendations revise into recaps(so and so sucks!)

it's monday and supposedly time for another film recommendation from the good folks here at beer cannes. but since nobody seems to actually go out and try to digest get these inspired nuggets i put forth, and since i am a lifelong obsessive over the national football league, i am going to switch gears for a minute and use my normal monday column to recap what it is that we have seen over the weekend on the gridiron.

week one always gets me a little fired up, and yesterday was no exception. there were very few players and coaches who managed to escape the label of "sucks," as i was in a particularly fired up mood over the half assed effort that i saw displayed by a few of the "players" that i saw play.

my very, very, very long list includes but is not exclusive to:

rams coach scott linehan sucks! and for that matter mark bulger sucks! as i cannot imagine a situation in which a team finds itself down by a ton of points and still only manages to target one of the best, most consistently productive recievers in league history(tory holt) only once for nine yards. but then again you were too busy being down by thirty and still handing the ball off to steven jackson so he could get tackled behind the line of scrimmage again and again. but then again we all knew that the rams suck!

randy moss sucks! more as a person than as a player. how would you know if bernard pollard's hit was "dirty" or not, as i recall you were too busy putting the ball on the carpet to have a good view of matt light pushing pollard into your beloved quarterback. do us all a favor and just start phoning it in like you did when you were in oakland. unless of course you need to roll up a parking patrol officer's knee with your car(a la tom brady)like you did when you were a viking. just shut the fuck up you ignorant piece of trailer trash and play football.

peyton manning sucks! there i said it. since when did this dude become jeff garcia dinking and dunking with a complete inability to throw the ball accurately over ten yards. that mutherfucker was shit yesterday and he was constantly leaving my man reggie wayne out to dry over the middle. he was lucky that reggie didn't get hurt...because that would have derailed this season in a real quick hurry. step your game up or sit on the bench, cause last night he hurt the colts more than he helped.

and since we are on the colts...marvin harrison and anthony gonzalez suck! drops and fumbles...or is that fumbles and drops...hell i don't know, both names probably fit both guys. remember the good old days when marvin used to just fall down when he caught a ball over the middle instead of getting stripped while trying to make a play. marvin, you are not t.o. or andre johnson, or any other 6'5" 225 lb behoemeth. you are a little dude who needs to play as soft as all the rest of the colts not named wayne or sanders so that we can keep the chains moving in our new 3 yards at a time offense. i mean it's not like you were playing the colts defense or anything.

and speaking of the colts defense(not that there is much defense to speak of) keyunta dawson and ed johnson ssssuuuuuccccckkkkk!!!!!!!! matt forte ren it straight through those non existent defensive tackles only to find huge holes because freddy keiaho sucks! too. mind your gap and stop giving up the big play you dipshit.

saints wide reciever marques colston sucks! he plays so soft(coming out because of a thumb booboo) that i am suprised he doesn't wear the blue and white.

there are a ton more that i just don't have the energy to mention now(derek anderson)

on the college side of things i was really pulling for san diego state to beat notre dame because, you guessed it, notre dame and especially charlie weis suck! fat bitch. i was also pulling for emily's alma matter ohio university to knock off the sweater vest...but i will leave this one to my alpha dog lendale white...



hell yeah...they suck! more than the two of my readers who voted that they would rather hang out with screech than urkel. screech sucks!

urkel rules...a lot like these dudes:

former indiana university and current new orleans saints cornerback tracy porter who had a huge first game in the nfl completely locking down joey galloway and providing nice physical run support. like marlin jackson(who also doesn't suck)

drew brees was huge too. unlike peyton, when he dumped it down to his running back, he found reggie bush with enough space to pop some big ones and reggie bush did exactly that. i haven't been so impressed with that guy since he was on the usc payroll.(or at least since he tagged the bears for that one in the nfc championship a few years back) i wish he would have flipped into the endzone.

i want to see brandon jacobs and marion barber start at opposite ends of the field and run full steam until they collide at the fifty yard line. thos guys are like the running of the bulls and the force of that big bang might start a whole new universe.

and did i mention how much i love reggie wayne...badass.

and finally in my recap, i feel i have to make an open plea to colts fans on this one.

please...show at least a modicum of class about the tom brady injury. i realise that class is hard concept for the obese, ignorant population of this city to grasp sometimes, especially considering that in the wake of the injury most colts fans were running around like we had been annointed super bowl champs before the bears came in and rolled us up in our new house. just imagine if the shoe was on the other foot...actually last night that might not have been half bad.