28 August 2008

looking forward to getting out of this place

cue that really awesome animals song right now.... as occasionally we gotta get out of this place. and this weekend we are doing that in upstate new york.

we encourage you to do the same. take a nice long weekend for yourself. after the olympics and right in the middle of our nation's dualing propaganda festivals, you deserve it. so relax.

if you happen to be sucked into all this "obama as savior" nonsense go watch hamlet 2 so you can learn the words to rock me sexy jesus...or is that big eared jesus?

and if you're waiting for next week's john mccain festival, well, frankly that's even more depressing, but since you're already in that mood...go watch isabelle coixet's new film elegy as it is practically guaranteed to make you even sadder.

if you're like me and see nothing but two politicians(and i use that word as an insult) duking it out for the ultimate prize in the padded resume contest, you probably already feel like this world is completely screwed and might as well just plop down the sawbuck and go to the megaplex and see disaster movie.

talk about depressing...where for art thou michael phelps?
america needs you back.

26 August 2008

the top five films to make out to...

as promised...the innaugural tuesday top five

a long, long time ago, before this formerly fair city of indianapolis became the crumbling empire that exists before one's eyes today, there stood a beacon of hope and a pillar for all things cinematic known as castleton arts. one day, while immersed in a conversation about hal hartley, because this was the special time and place where one could do as such, a "naturally charming," yet infinitely tactless projectionist extrordinaire named ian yee bounded over the top turnbuckle like a third party wwf participant and joined the fray with this soon to be timeless nugget of wisdom:

the amateur, which isn't even its actual title(its just amateur) the amateur is my makeout film...well that and 2001 because you make out during the boring parts.

and thus this list was born...a good place to start the newly implemented tuesday top 5, and hopefully hopefully an essay of such quality that it becomes a fitting tribute to the enigmatic, yet generous spirit that is ian yee. these are the top 5 makeout films of all time.

1. amateur-hal hartley
when you're right, you're right...and ian pretty much hit it over the fence with this pick. hal hartley is mad cool, kinda like assayas, but in this one he eschews his normal over the top level of detachedness for a more cool, attainable level and thus allows for a massively erotic amount of sexual radiation to come through. this film has got amnesiacs who used to direct porn, a starlet of such product, and an ex nun who wants to break into the field all being chased by organized crime. sexy and tense, it is a film that warrants a little french kiss release.

2. blow up-michaelangelo antonioni
i don't like the idea of trying to make out to 2001(or any kubrick for that matter) because i don't feel like science, specifically the cold, precise nature of it employed by kubrick, belongs anywhere near the bedroom. so i go a tad more humanistic and put on blow up. there are still a fair amount of "boring parts" to make out during, but with a more natural, green hued freshness that works itself up into an desire, almost a need, for passionate outburst.

plus i always talk about how i think this is like a zombie movie in reverse, as david hemmings spends the whole film completely removed from participation in the emotional side of human existence. he slides down a bustling, sixties carnaby street, occasionally stopping to fuck hot models in between adventures into the public sphere like when he enters the hedonistic, animalistic ritual of the yardbirds concert. and he moves through completely unscathed, until he becomes interested and engaged and allows himself to transcend to the emotional level beyond merely fucking and in to lovemaking. and then he becomes one of us, his humanity doing him in after all. tell this to a smart girl...it's like the key to the city of smooch-ville.

and then tell them you copped my idea...you plaigaristic fuck :)

3. sense and sensibility-ang lee
anything with those sort of merchant-ivory, dignified repressed passions, is good. and since this isn't merchant-ivory and it's actually made by a good director, this one is even better. a film where the highest moment of romantic lust's release is when emma thompson tells hugh grant, "i very much esteem you." to which hugh stutters and stumbles his way back with,"i...very...much...........es..teem...you." practically makes you want to fuck right then and there because you're practically itching for something to happen and someone to just explode. plus the lush english countryside estates and kate winslet constantly pressed up in a corset give this film an air of freshness that belies the begining of any truly great romance.

4. beauty and the beast-jean cocteau
actually any version of this tale will do as it points out that you have looked in the mirror and seen your hairy disgusting ass and know that your rather lovely significant other will have to look past that to find a prince within. it sends subliminal messages that make her think you "get it." i chose this version because once in college i showed it to a cute girl who didn't even really like me very much and she ended up making out with me just as a sort of thanks for sharing with her this lovely celluloid experience.

5. any film that you yourself have made...
or anything that i have made for you...on second thought just go with the one i made, especially if you have a copy of le genou de b(the knee of the bee). its brilliant pastche of gorgeous romantic images and awesome, adoration inspiring music have all the qualities of a freshman year mixtape in that their sole purpose is the attempt to smatch a kiss...or was that to kiss a...nevermind.

6. any film by that fuck nut ken burns
not that i advocate watching them, but if one has to watch one of these windbaggy piles of poo, it better end with making out with a hot chick. and it follows the ian yee rule, in that there are usaually copious amounts of boring, terrible parts during which to make out. witness his latest, greatest travesty to the art of documentary...the democratic national convention film that he did for ted kennedy and all its un-objective glory whoring. i mean, leni riefenshtal was completely ostracized from society for making propaganda bullshit like this. i mean honestly, i hope ken burns remembers that when barack obama rides the ted kennedy, democratic sympathy train all the way to the white house and becomes just another stuffed suit in a long line of proved false prophets that he was a key cog in our nations machine like march towards the book of revelations. that, and that by doing so you commit an even greater sin and prove richard kelly right. you're a douche ken burns.

i gotta calm down...i'm gonna go try and make out.

25 August 2008

beer cannes selects #1: the adventures of sebastian cole

a short while ago, emily and i watched the film definitely maybe because she likes movies like that and because i am a sucker for ryan reynolds even though he makes movies that tend to suck. we both enjoyed it, as it is another fairly well done, amicable piece by the people at working title productions. a few days later we saw phil in the lobby of landmark and when he asked us about it, emily replied that she liked it, but that she liked it even more because one of the characters was named emily.

i started thinking about it and i started to agree with her on the notion that people tend to like films better based on characters sharing their name. perhaps it helps us relate better, who knows? it got me thinking about the various other troys i have encountered along my journey into cinema's vastness and how it doesn't seem that there are too many that i have seen or that are that memorable.

the only two i could come up with off the top of my head pretty much make up for opposite ends of the gamut from awesome to vile. when i say vile, i mean that ass troll elfin mutherfucker zac efron, who of course plays troy in the similarly ass troll high school musical films. that choice actually made me like that film less...why couldn't corbin blue be named troy? as sad as that would also be, at least that would have made it a little better.

but it still wouldn't come anywhere close to topping the greatest troy in the history of cinema. he lives in a supporting role, in a film that is not even named after him, but that still seemed to deserve some sort of love from the bc. and since i wanted to start this column with something out of left field, and since it is coming up on its ten year anniversary, and since everybody just loves vinnie chase these days, i feel like the time is right to present to you...

the adventures of sebastian cole-tod browning jr.

a minor coming of age story that is thankfully light on plot and very big on rich, well drawn, likeable characters. taking the time to occasionally linger in beautiful moments, this film isn't in a hurry to get anywhere or do anything as it manages to show the rarest of creatures in today's american cinema, nice people.
netflix it, or rent it, or find another way to get it...just get it.
and be wowed by the power of troy.

to serve you better

in my probably futile attempt to become appointment reading for those out in this here blogosphere, i have been tinkering with a few new ideas that will hopefully get me onto more of a schedule that will keep the beer cannes full of fresh material. in addition to my weekly thursday column that details what it is that we here advocate seeing during the weekend, i have ideas for two other columns that will hopefully become staples of both my writing and your reading diet.

the first new segment, which will appear later today, will be my monday pick of the week. each monday, we will profile an older, available to rent film that occasionally might be a little obscure, but that has nonetheless come to help shape the cinematic landscape of the beer cannes world.

the second new feature, which will publish tomorrow, will be the tuesday top 5, in which we here at the bc will riff on any old sort of pop culture list that we happen to be thinking of at the time. occasionally we will take suggestions from our readers that want to come to a better understanding of the beer cannes take on a certain aspect of pop culture, but for this week we will be publishing the top 5 films to make out to...so look for that tomorrow.

hopefully, these ideas will come to fruition and become great successes in the bc universe.
hopefully they will get me back on track writing wise and eliminate some of the annoying gaps in publishing.

21 August 2008

looking forward to reflection

honestly, this weeks releases look like poop. and sadly, that is okay with me as i'm still trying to catch up with last weeks haul of new releases and i am a little bit too preoccupied/infatuated with the new, breezy sounding pop gem from jesse mccartney to worry about it. i may check out the zombie festival at key cinemas...i may not. it really depends on how convincing mike scott is.

so without anything to sink my teeth into this week, i feel it might be a good time to go through some things i have been meaning to go through for a while.

we here at the bc, because of our proximity to film purgatory, feel that the film calendar really tends to begin about march as it takes the indy theaters about two months after new years to cycle through all of the "important" films that tend to drop late in the year to remain fresh in the mind of oscar voters. with these parameters set for a filmic cycle, august is roughly the halfway point of what i would call a year in cinema. with this in mind, and with nothing whetting my appetite for a theatrical visit, i thought it might be good to take a moment to reflect on the first half of the year and maybe kind of come to some sort of consensus as to the greatest shit we have seen thus far. after all we promise "the greatest shit in the world"(it's in the header) and by god we are gonna deliver.

plus we want to get it out before the good people over at my life in lists because we have a feeling that theirs may be similar and we don't ever want to be labeled as unoriginal.(not that ryan would be if our lists do end up to be remarkably similar...he's a pimp)

so without further ado. beer cannes selects 2008

1. in the city of sylvia-jose luis guerrin
in the recent edition of film comment this film was in the distributor wanted column which unfortunately means that it is currently without u.s. distribution. that is a tragedy as this film is beyond gorgeous and infinitely engaging. it's so good that i can't bear to cast a critical eye upon it and become reduced to hyperbolic blabberings whenever i am confronted with the mere idea of it. i was lucky enough to have caught it at the indianapolis international film festival, which, despite my slaggings, i am forever in debt to for this providing me with this little gem.

2. paranoid park-gus van sant
another year, another gus van sant film on my top ten. there is nobody in the world who does it more consistently great as this guy. and this one is among his best. another film that reduces me to flights of fancy such as this: netflix it right now and become caught up in its glowing flourescent rapture.

3. forgetting sarah marshall-nicholas stoller
i can't decide if this is the funniest great movie i have ever seen or if it is the greatest funny movie. but either way it is well worth multiple viewings as it holds up in a way that alot of apatow product does not. my only question for how i met your mother fans is, "does that make segal marshal marshal?" plus it has kunu and aldous snow! winner winner, chicken dinner.

4. still life-jia zhang-ke
i caught this one at the indianapolis arts center and found it to be jia's most mainstream and most comedic yet. a tad slow, but that is because it wants the viewer to feel the supreme beauty of urban decay and experience the slow death of a particular way of life. at times, it is as funny as sarah marshall, prompting similarly inane questions like "can any dude in china afford a shirt?" and "what the fuck is that spaceship doing here?" a think piece about awesomeness. netflix this one too.

5. snow angels-david gordon green
a shot of whiskey into the beer cannes system. this film is sad in a hard way. only the beauty of olivia thirlby keeps one at ease with the somber lives being led on the outskirts of rust belt decay. michael arangano freaking rules and this is by far the best david gordon green picture released into theatres around here this year.

6. dr. horrible's sing-a-long blog-joss whedon
i'm generally not a whedonite, but we here at the bc sincerely support anyone who says fuck the man and releases their work on the web.(during a strike no less) that is boss pimp. and nph and fillion blow it up like trained circus seals. it truly does rock your sorry ass.

7. boarding gate-olivier assayas
olivier assayas is just cooler than us, to the point where he can make corporate espionage the most appealing thing in the universe. his stylistic choices are unbelievably solid from the music to the clothes and beyond. his camera is ever moving like one's heartbeat, and although it's occasionally choppy, it never seems to lack coolness. plus asia argento's abs are off the hinges(better than kerri walsh even) this film would undoubtedly be sitting higher if i hadn't seen it on dvd which obscures for me its release date and i don't truly know that it was released theatrically within this calendar year.

8. step brothers-adam mckay
another year, another will ferrell film. he is almost as consistently good as gus van sant. shit, even semi pro wasn't as bad as you think it was. this movie rules because i can't believe the shit these two say to one another. and that comes from me, who recently called one of his best bros tyson gay.(sorry shane-o...but you know the bc loves you)

9. ????
this is probably getting into honorable mention territory, but for number nine i just cant decide between jon favreau's iron man and hou hsiao hsien's filght of the red balloon. after all they are so similar, i often wonder how one could even tell them apart.

i also liked the pineapple express, kung fu panda, what happens in vegas, and harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay...which sadly kinda made me like president bush.

oh well i'm leavin'...another day another dollar...sleep tight bitches and have a good weekend.

20 August 2008

i hope i didn't just give away the ending

(ed. note that is the title of the best new radicals song...check it out)

many of the readers of this blog work at or exist on the periphery of movie theatres and therefore often recieve free admittance to features. such as occurs with a privledge like this, occasionally the delight of seeing films inside the confines of a theatre designed solely for the experience escapes said workforce and they begin to take for granted their access to theatrically screened movies. at times like this, we here at beer cannes like to find a way to bring them back to the realm of the uninitiated and perhaps allow them to remember momentarily what it is like for the unprivledged masses.(not that we really think they forgot)

going to the movies without the aid of the occasional free admittance that i am often afforded is freaking expensive. and by this i don't necessarily mean just in dollars.

we live in a time where the proliferation of a myriad medias has allowed for an almost infinite amount of options for entertaining use of our free time. it used to be that going to the movies was pretty much the bomb as there was a time when all they had to compete with was the fledgling programming of no more than three television networks and the outdated and outmoded offerings of narrative driven radio programming. in the face of this competition people would just about go see anything, often without knowing what it was beforehand.

but today there are many more options. films have to compete with the internet, video games, a million television stations, etc. people don't seem to deem it worth their time to get into something that could possibly have an unforseen outcome. in short people don't want to waste their time going to films that might suck because they know there are other options that could provide a similarly fulfilled sense of entertainment. they want the safety net of knowing approximately what they are getting into before they get into it.

and that jason maier is part of the reason that, in today's business model for film distribution, trailers that give away pretty much everything are a necessary evil. people simply want to use their preciously valuable free time in a way that is sure to satisfy them.

and unfortunately, the great masses don't consider the sometimes splendidly entertaining viewing of a truly horrible film as satisfying, much less as entertainment at all. cinema has become another commodity that is sold on its familiarity. the new batman is essentially nothing but a name brand like coke or mcdonald's in that it serves its purpose of filling us up in a way that is familliar to our senses because we have built a stockpile of past experience with the product. in this sense trailers are nothing more than the advertising for said products and therefore take on as their goal the building of a brand name or image. we then in turn go to see the new batman film and know what it is that we are getting into much in a similar way to that in which we order a coca cola and know with fairly accurate certainty beforehand how it will taste.

think about the average filmgoer(not one who like theater workers has a veritable buffet of oppurtunity) the average american will probably go to the theater no more than once a week. they will plop down ten bones during peak hours(twenty if on a date, more for kids) just to see the film. now when you factor in concessions or cocktails(thanks landmark) that price becomes somewhat astronomical to a non six figure salary, taking a large percentage of monies set aside for leisure activity. if such a large portion is being paid, one would imagine that the financier of said output would want to have an idea of what his investment will be like. and as you can tell by looking at the grosses lately, nobody is going to the films with trailers that don't promise a specific sort of experience. nobody goes to the european film with the trailer that begs the question, "what the fuck is going on?" because frankly, it is often too expensive, both in terms of time and money, to gamble on something that is vague and undefined.

now i love films and i suppose that because most of my readership works around them that they do as well. part of the allure is often the excitement that comes with not knowing exactly what one will get, and we often get angry when we see trailers that destroy that sense of wonderment. but we are a rare, special breed and most patrons of theaters are not like us. unfortunately, these people are the ones that ratchet up the profits putting films like batman over the trillion dollar mark while the european art film with the tricky plot languishes in obscurity. the studios, which are pretty smart, understand that they already have us, the cine-geeks, and therefore utilize their resources in cultivating another segment of audience, the audience it needs to thrive, the kind that needs to be told what they are about to see before they see it. and that is why trailers usually give away the ending.

nice question maier...i appreciate it.

i am billy walsh...

or wally balls or whatever alias one could attribute to the man. but that doesn't mean that i know a vince...or drama...or even a turtle. i see right through the loaded nature of this question, shane. and i understand how badly your desire to see yourself compared to eric from entourage, or sawyer from lost, or marshall form how i met your mother or macgyver or some shit would lead you to ask it of the beer cannes. but as you well know we here at the bc aren't really in the business of giving one shane m. white what is expected and especially not what is desired.

so with this in mind, i will almost send you the ultimate hipsteresque "fuck you" and say that i haven't really watched tv in the last couple years, at least not enough to have some idea of what show my friends are most like the cast of. no sadly, the most in-depth i have gotten into television programming lately is the beijing summer olympics, which is actually an interesting place to start.

i am michael phelps or kobe bryant...because i am the mutherfucking best...ever.

phil goul is shawn johnson because he is short, totally solid, and always tends to make me smile. phil is totally adoptable the same way in which an orphan shawn would be.

ryan micheel is bob costas...maybe he doesn't participate in the traditional sense, but his sharp, witty commentary always makes the proceedings better.

jason maier is nastia liukin because of the solid all around nature of their beings. he is maybe not as high flying as others but he does what he does with percision and grace and never looks like he breaks a sweat. a character of great tact.

michael maier is dara torres because frankly he is just a little too old to be hanging out with us, but he is alright(at best) so we let him hang.

jenny proctor is mary carillo in that while the olympics are going on, she seems to be travelling around doing her own thing. iconoclastic in a way. and an eater of scorpions.

zach proctor is bela karolyi. a big teddy bear that is a little bit of a blow hard and always feels someone, somewhere is being cheated and it makes him red in the face. plus he is humorous.

emily stage is usain bolt because she is always going a mile a minute.

and finally shane white is alicia sacramone because he had a golden oppurtunity to ask a genuinely interesting question(like jason maier) and he blew it. and that just makes him (tyson) gay.

but to answer your question about you, shane...you are like mona from who's the boss?
and i am the boss.

18 August 2008

one week only...

as some of my readers who have already been contacted through netflix already know, lately i have kind of been in a funk. i wouldn't exactly call it writer's block, as i am able to write fine. no, more i would call it a severe boredom with my current slate of subject matter. frankly, for the time being, i've grown weary of talking about batman and apatow and art films that nobody really goes to see anyway. i'm sure i will regain my zest for these things shortly, but in the meantime, i have a proposition for my readers.

for a short time only, in the comments section of this post i will be taking questions and requests for topics that my readership would like to have beer cannes address. it will be a sort of "dear beer cannes" if you will, in which i will answer any and all requests for information or opinions about subjects which don't even have to be within the realm of our usual popular culture musings. feel free to ask anything. please give me some subjects to post on before i rip my hair out and start posting about how i disagree with dylan kidd about the supposed failures of his sophmore effort p.s. i don't want that, and frankly, other than ryan, neither do you. so help a brother out.

and as a post script i will show my readers some love for getting a poll question right and seeing through the bullshit because you know as well as us here at the bc that my man reggie miller is, was, and will always be the king of the nap. boom baby. go reggie.

14 August 2008

gonna get burned again, and looking forward to it

this week's thursday roll call has left me in a pickle. i am excited about a number of films opening our fair city even though my pessimistic heart wonders why. this week i will see american teen at the landmark, not because the kids documented are from indiana, but because emily wants to. and she usually gets what she wants, so that's easy.

but that's not the pickle. no the vinegary brine enveloping me is provided by two people that continue to disappoint me, yet, nonetheless still occasionally get me to the theater to see their movies.

tropic thunder is another ben stiller comedy that i am pretty sure will fall flat despite the fact that my guy robert downey jr. is portraying a white guy acting like a black guy for a film within the film. but then again iron man is not my reason for doubt. it's his costars, as ben stiller has pretty much been nothing but a disappointment since the awesome as hell zoolander and jack black is basically only good in things directed toward kids.(school of rock, kung fu panda) those two cast some serious doubt about how good this piece will actually be as these guys both tend to ham it up in ways that just aren't quite as funny as they think they are. but regardless, i will still probably see it soon...hopefully at the drive-in so that if it sucks i will have anaesthetic to numb the pain, or if it happens to rule, it will become an instant classic based on the atmosphere of tibbs. i will give it a shot.

after the debacle of match point, i told myself i would never let woody allen burn me again. and i was doing a good job too, staying far away from scoop and the ewan mcgreggor/colin farrell one that just looked dreadful. but then that semi-incestuous fuck had to do something that to this viewer is almost damn near irresistable and base his next film in the fantabulously cinematic setting of barcelona. fucker. i mean seriously, just the word barcelona makes me drool at the idea of eigeman and nichols trapsing their way through the gorgeous scenery in whit stillman's ode to the city, barcelona, a great film i really really really encourage my readers to check out.(even if they have already seen it) plus the girls in allen's film look amazingly beautiful, which is par for the course in spain.

beautiful city, check. beautiful girls, check. me in line, reluctantly check. i know i am signing up for something emotionally grade schoolish and intelectually vapid, but i don't care.

this one is shame on me, but we won't get fooled again...unless his next film takes place in prague. fuck you woody allen...here's my ten bucks. fucker.

12 August 2008

putting out the invisible fire

every once in a while, we here at the bc like to put out little lists of things just to kind of let the people know where it is we are coming from. after my last blog entry i really started to marinate hard on the apatow universe and how one man and his merry band of prankster kids have basically come to dominate the scene of what it is that i like about hollywood. i mean for real, like eugene its got me straight trippin boo...i hope you look at this list and say i'm trippin too. not being a huge action/adventure guy, i find the only things hollywood is releasing with any regularity these days that even remotely peak my interest are apatow films.

so without further ballyhoo, beer cannes presents its big list of all things apatow to perhaps somehow come to a better understanding of what we like about them and in a greater respect, hollywood in general.

the best things apatow(and by extention hollywood) over the past some odd years.

1. the trailer for the pineapple express. yeah...i know it's just a trailer...but deep down we all know that this incredible trailer is the reason that the express just doesn't seem to hold up. and in all fairness, there may never have been, in the history of cinema, a film that could live up to the expectations brought on by this preview.

2. the scene in freaks and geeks where bill(martin starr) gets drunk on keg beer while drinking it out of one of those mini mlb batting helmets from baskin robbins while watching dallas when a party is going on. nothing is more geek yet soooo fucking badass cool simultaneously. the moment when i realised how dope that show actually was.

3. sex-panther. according to paul rudd sixty percent of the time, it works everytime. and that works for me.

4. michael cera singing these eyes in superbad is classic because when michael cera speaks with his cracking voice it's funny, but when he sings with it...it is pure gold. and it's a great song.

5. knocked up....rogan "you look like a cholo all dressed up on easter sunday" rudd "you look like babe ruth's gay brother...gabe ruth." i laugh as i type. well played indeed.

6. aldous snow. no particular scene...just aldous as he is....which is awesome

7. and you can't talk about sarah marshall without mentioning bill hader aghast at segal trying to "put his p in a v" or segal wanting to "b his l on some t's" i will never think of a blt sandwich in the same way again.

8. and then there is kunu, hawaiian for chuck, who stopped wearing a watch when he moved to the island...because he has a cell phone.(betcha can't tell my favorite apatow film so far)

9. red falling asleep at the end of p. ex. "i'm like the lame guy at the party, fallin asleep at nine o'clock" i love danny mcbride.

10. but not as much as paul rudd, whose turn as a beatle gave dewey cox its only non horrific and memorable scene. really...this list could have been wholly made of paul rudd, but we wanted to mix in some flavor.

11. and by flavor we mean darrel from the office telling leslie mann and that bitch to go home in knocked up. "i can't have no pregnant bitches running up in my club"

12. the singing of afternoon delight in anchorman. they do the harmonies so well and i too want to know what love is like. "more than anything in the world, ron." thinking of it is working up my appetite.

there are like a trillion others, just nice little moments that really are the apex of what hollywood has to offer right now and i no doubt forgot at least a million that i probably like better than even these. but this is where i will start...with a mangled albeit humorous skewer of the current state of humanity. feel free to relive your own favorite moments in the comments section...i guarantee it will make you smile. i am and i didn't even touch the infinitely quotable ricky bobby or his invisible fire.

11 August 2008

severely lacking some kunu

first thing first. buy the mgmt album oracular spectacular.

second. the pineapple express is good. it's funny. it's pretty entertaining. it is a helluva lot more than what bill goodykoontz describes as "minor apatow" in his indaianapolis star review. but with that being said, it's not great and i think it's annointment into the pantheon of "new classics" should be held up for just a second so that a steady reflrction over time may build.

one problem i have with the film is its use of marijuana as a scapegoat for stupidity. as if the only way the audience will believe that these three morons could survive an attack on a drug warehouse is if they stop smoking just long enough to regain their "lost" intelligence. really? so that was just the drugs talking when james franco was rambling about piranahs and heat seeking missiles? i mean, the scene where rogan goes all gung ho against weed and franco was actually kind of insulting, as if all their problems could have marijuana as their epicenter, and that it was somehow making them dumber. no sadly...while marijuana slows down the decision making process(sometimes a good thing) it does not impact the intelligence behind the decision. if one is a dumbass regularly, they will be a dumbass whilst high. that the express seems to forget this perturbs me. and i think it's kind of lame to put that on a movie which spends its first hour celebrating the practice.

a few days after i watched the express i found that not a ton of it had stuck with me. and i know all you assholes out there are probably attributing that to the weed, but fuck you. i was way higher for forgetting sarah marshall and walked away being able to sing aldous snow songs for days afterward. no, i think the problem lies in the fact that its almost too put together. it plots out very quickly, which i don't think plays to the strong suits of either david gordon green or the judd apatow players. it seems that alot of what i truly enjoy about projects as diverse as sarah marshall, anchorman, george washington and all the real girls are the scenes which almost work as asides to the main plotline. really awesome scenes like making fun of the beard in knocked up, or the pig slaughter in sarah marshall(no im not...you're crying) or the dancing in the bowling alley scene from all the real girls had only one real mirror in the express. the getting the caterpillar high while swordfighting in the woods scene is fucking gorgeous and memorable and right out of the dgg/tim orr playbook. it looks like a nice fuzzy memory even as its unfolding and honestly it is the heart of the entire film. but there isn't enough like it through the rest of the film until the last scene(which is also pretty fucking good)

there just seems to be something missing. maybe it's the m.i.a. song. maybe its the playfulness in the farly straightforward plot. maybe it was missing women. but my bet, because he makes all apatow films better, is that this film struggles to be memorable because of its lack of paul rudd. the pineapple express just needed some kunu. as a matter of fact...fuck dale and saul...just show me red and kunu and bill hader getting high all day(with my guy damascus as a drug thug) now that would be worthy of david gordon green.

07 August 2008

looking forward to puttting a boot in someone's ass

it's thursday...and if you haven't already hitched a ride on the express, i sincerely urge you to do so.

if you want to clown and really pull a doober-ific double feature and go watch pineapple express with the new werner herzog film encounters at the end of the world and watch how he handles the phenomena of men alone in the vastness of nature. it'll probably be like the p.x. only without jokes and instead of stoners they have scientists. me, i'm gonna opt out and hope i have sattelite by the time this plays 100 times on the discovery channel. make me another strozek and i will get in line.

no, incredibly the only film i will probably venture out for this weekend will be one that will set in place a family tradition as it will be the second time that my mom and i have gone out to see a toby keith film in the theatres. she's a fan. and i am amused. and honestly, how could i not be rooting for a movie called beer for my horses?(we are beer cannes after all)and since i am not surrounded by the sort of deserving criminal element necessary and since i am an adult and we don't do that sort of thing, for now i will have to live vicariously live through my guy toby keith and wave the red, white, and blue in that way as i make my mom happy and find something that we can both enjoy. bonding, wfms style

because even here at the beer cannes, we occasionaly want to put a little boot to ass too.

06 August 2008

everybody knows this is nowhere

the new jia zhang-ke has made me sad. not the film, mind you, as it is excellent and jia's most accessible work to date. no, what has me bummed was the screening. the turnout was pretty good and i am not complaining about that per se. the attendance of around 100-125 people was pretty awesome for an art center(not megaplex) screening of a chinese film shot by a dude who doesn't get state funding like other more traditional(martial arts/geisha) film makers in his country, but still, the demographics within this cross section of viewers were a little bit sad.

i was shocked by the sparseness of people my age. me, mike scott and his friend peter who he dragged along made up roughly half of all the people under 40, as i did an unscientific poll of fresh faces as they exited the theater. i counted six youthful glances counting our own and that is just sad.

the middle aged people who grew up in the 70's with the incredible domestic cinematic output came out in droves, as they seem to still have some adventurous tastes when deciding what to screen. i was very impressed with their turnout and even more impressed that many of them stayed for the lecture afterwards. that i cannot say the same for my generation and those gens younger than mine makes me sad.

film culture is lost on the youth of our city. there isn't even an effort to see non-hollywood/non-mainstream indies these days. nobody goes off campus for a little slice of different anymore. i commend peter(even though he admitted he "didn't get it"...that's okay) for having the adventurous spirit necessary as i find most young people have never even dared to check out a non-martial arts film from china, like jia's still life, as i guess they are too busy waiting in line for the new batman or star wars. there's nothing wrong with those, just mix in a little spice every now and again and go see something that seems off the radar. peter did. and he sat patiently through it and he earned my respect in a way that is not sad.

i recommend all my readers take a cue from peter. go forth and find something that isn't apatow or isn't even in english(gasp!) otherwise, hollywood will be all one in this city knows. now that would be sad.

02 August 2008

summer babe

over on the my year in lists blog they recently posted some songs new and old that have been the soundtrack to their summer. now i am definitely not as current(or as serious) about music as ryan, so with this in mind and in tribute to his awesome list i present my jams of this summer.

not exactly the guess who, but you get the point



the jo bros

aldous snow

mgmt(not the real video)

and one hard core bitch

enjoy the rest of summer...

01 August 2008

don't get used to it

for the first time in the history of this blog(and probably my life) i was wrong.

according to the indianapolis star, the jia zhang-ke film still life is playing at 6:30 on tuesday at the art center as opposed to the 7pm start i had previously posted about. oh well, misinformation happens occasionally(just usually not to me)

i still urge you to go see it or else i will have to do this to you...that's just how i roll...

oh and by the way, the joe wisner video for manimal narrowly edged his work bacon as the favorite of the readers of this site. cheers to all that voted, and cheers to joe...keep up the good work.